Five Ways to Protect Yourself When Visiting Estonia
Text Stewart Johnson Photos Andrei Chertkov, Jacques Bopp / Unsplash, Viru Folk, Aivar Pihelgas
Tallinn's Old Town medieval city walls are very effective at keeping tourists safe, and in Estonia.
When traveling abroad, common sense must always be observed to avoid unpleasant situations, and Estonia is no different. While Estonians themselves have absolute freedom to say and do anything they choose, sometimes they tend to be overprotective of certain things. For example, children’s heads look larger than average because of the overuse of helmets, and Estonians sprinkle dill on their food to protect it from foreigners. When visiting this country, however, here are five things to avoid if you want to return safely to a normal life in your home country.
Avoid the Old Town
Clearly the most dangerous place to visit in the universe is a black hole. If you get too close, you’ll just get sucked into it, time will cease to exist, and you will never leave. In this exact same way, if you choose to visit Estonia, absolutely do not go to the Old Town in Tallinn. It is nearly impossible to escape by climbing over the medieval city wall, the most complete medieval city wall still remaining in Europe.
Food is another issue. If you do find yourself in the Old Town, or Vanalinn in Estonian, you will not be able to get food from outside the city walls. This is mostly because you will not want to. The Old Town has an incredibly high number of excellent restaurants, whose food will keep you alive and very satisfied, further decreasing your desire to leave. From menus featuring nothing but meat, to entirely vegan, from medieval Estonian food to modern Middle Eastern delicacies, from hotel breakfast buffets to late-night snacks, there is more than enough variety for anyone, from anywhere.
Nighttime is perhaps one of the most dangerous times to visit the Old Town. The unbelievable variety of clubs and bars, with live music and highly energetic DJ sets, will make it difficult for you to find a way out of the city. This isn’t actually such a big problem however, as there are ample places to sleep comfortably in the Old Town. Hotels, holiday rentals, and hostels abound.
Stay Away From Tartu
Tartu is Estonia’s cultural and educational capital, the self-proclaimed “City of Good Thoughts”. Avoid visiting Tartu. You might have believed that visiting was a good thought, but now you’re stuck there forever, unable—and unwilling—to leave. Last year, in 2024, this Southern Estonian city was the European Capital of Culture for a very good reason. Tartu’s Town Hall Square boasts the infamous “Kissing Students Fountain”, which appeared just over 25 years ago when two students met, and fell in love, in Tartu. They were so moved by the beauty of Tartu—and each other—that they kissed for too long on the square, and froze in place. The fountain was built around them in their honour.
Immediately next to Tartu’s Old Town is a famous, and very hilly, park called Toomemägi. If you do make the mistake of exploring this large park, you will notice statues dedicated to scientists and artists who also got permanently stuck in Tartu. You will also find the partially restored ruins of a medieval cathedral. This structure dates back to a time when this part of the country was called Livonia. The Livonians eventually left Livonia, but they weren’t able to escape Estonia.
Summer in Tartu is absolutely horrible. There is no way you will ever be able to drag yourself away from the riverfront, full of restaurants, cafés, bars, and walking paths surrounded by trees. Some people do manage to wander away from this central area, only to get lost in the Old Town, staring at the fabled Leaning Tower of Tartu, or drinking in the officially “tallest pub in the world”—Püssirohukelder, or Gun Powder Cellar.
No Escape From the Islands
Estonia has over 2000 islands. The biggest is Saaremaa, which literally translates to “island land”. This is a deliberate attempt by Estonians to confuse visitors into thinking that once they’re on the island, there is no place else to go. And it’s somewhat true—there’s so much to do on Saaremaa that there is simply no need to go anywhere else. You can visit Kuressaare, the capital city of the island land, home to the famous bishop’s castle, which is preserved in its entirety. Several restored manor houses offer fabulous accommodation and fine dining, and a place called Kaali is the fabled birthplace of the legend of Thor. Thousands of years ago, as the legend goes, a massive meteorite crashed in Kaali, and the light from the shooting star was visible throughout the Baltics and Scandinavia.
Muhu is another island, whose houses have ingeniously designed thatched roofs. Hiiumaa is an island famous for its lighthouses. Then of course there are several other islands each with their own unique cultures and practices, such as Ruhnu, Kihnu, and Prangli. While these islands are all unique in their own ways, there is one thing they all have in common: they have no word for “leave”, because when visitors ask how to leave, they are simply pointed to another sandy beach, which in Estonian is spelled “liiv”.
Do Not Attend a Festival
Attend festivals in Estonia at your own risk. While the festival will eventually end, you still won’t be able to leave the country, because you’ll either find another festival while trying to exit, or you’ll come back the next year to enjoy the same festival again. Belgium, it is said, has a different kind of cheese for every day of the year, but Estonia has the same number of festivals, the vast majority of which happen simultaneously on the same few weekends of summer.
The most common festivals where visitors get trapped for life are Viljandi Folk, August Blues, Viru Folk, Juu Jääb, KiKuMu, Tallinn Music Week, Saaremaa Opera Festival, and of course the Song and Dance Celebration. The sheer variety of music, food, and various fairs is astounding. Each festival offers accommodations or camping possibilities, and they all take place in beautiful regions of Estonia to explore during the day.
Do Not Make Friends With Estonians
Many visitors say that it is very difficult to make friends with Estonians. This is true, but not because Estonians are a closed people. It’s a safety precaution. Because if you do make friends with an Estonian, you’ll be stuck with that friend for the rest of your life. In English it is said that a picture is worth a thousand words, but you could say in Estonian that silence is worth a thousand words.
Estonians themselves might indeed be a rather quiet people, but this in no way means that they do not communicate as much as other peoples around the world. They just often communicate in other ways. For example, if you have dinner with Estonians, and there is one bit of food left on the serving plate, it does not mean that they do not want it. It means they are daring anyone else at the table to be “that person” who took the last bite. This is expressed by silence, and pretending that the last bite is not there.
If you follow the advice in this article, you should be able to safely visit Estonia, and return home to your own country. There is also an honourable mention for how to stay safe in Estonia: absolutely do not visit Latvia. Stay in Estonia.
*The author of this article, Stewart Johnson, was warned by friends not to visit Estonia in 1997 because they said he wouldn’t come back. They were right.
To learn more about this and similar topicsEvents in Estonia Festivals Hiiumaa Old town Saaremaa Tallinn Tartu
